Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
