I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
