when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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