All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
