Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He kissed a someone with a penis
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
