last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
