My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
