You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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