...so i touched it.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
