Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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