i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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