Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
its liver damage thursday
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
