Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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