I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
