I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
