dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
