Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
