Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize