Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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