I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
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She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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