it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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