there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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