Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
organizing the empties. That sober.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
