I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
