He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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