No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
