I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
