Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The beer is more important than you right now.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You were trust falling into bushes
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
