The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My cat gives me a boner
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
