I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
