On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
