if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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