How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
