Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
