I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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