i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize