lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
