she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
