Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
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you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
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there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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