I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
