i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
