sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
