I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
