Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
