My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
