oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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