Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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