Need sex. Gaining weight.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
