from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
