Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
