I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
