If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
