He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize