My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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