Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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