I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras