hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex