so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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