Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
