just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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