I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
