I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
