Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
