I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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