i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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