the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
